Kiss My Ash

by Scarlet Baldy
 

RATING: PG for sinful thoughts that proper catholic girls shouldn't have.
CATEGORY: MSR...of sorts. H.
SPOILERS: The Unatural.
KEYWORDS: Mulder's bats.
DISCLAIMER: They're HIIIIIIS!!!
ARCHIVE: Yup.
EMAIL: ionlygetfive@yahoo.co.uk

SUMMARY: What goes on in the mind of a red-head when she plays ball. And the reason why our favourite agents can never get some in the show.

NOTE: This is for my beloved 'woussies' for being the wonderful friends they are.

BIG THANKS: To CarriK because I shamelessly tampered with her transcript, and she didn't mind.

***

"...And Mulder? I don't see any nicely wrapped presents lying around so, what gives?"

Scully shifted and leaned against the door of the cage watching her partner swing his bat around. Her gaze drifted to his denim clad backside.

<My mistake Mulder, this one's wrapped nicely enough.>
<Admit it Dana, you only came for the view.>
<Shut up.>

"You've never hit a baseball, have you, Scully?"

<Whaa...? Oh, right. Baseball.>

"No, I guess I have, uh... found more necessary things to do with my time than slap a
piece of horsehide with a stick."

<Like learning comparative anatomy with the neigbour's son, while your brothers played
the game outside.>
<He doesn't need to know that.>
<He might like to know how much you enjoy playing doctor.>
<Enough!>

"Get over here, Scully."

<Roll over, Scully.>
<You would.>
<I would *not*!>
<You can't resist that tone.>
<It's not fair.>
<Extremely unfair.>

Scully walked over and closed her hands over the bat he was offering.To her suprise
Mulder didn't release the bat, but stepped behind and wrapped his arms around her.

<Uh-Oh.>

"This my birthday present, Mulder? You shouldn't have."

<You are one shameless liar, Dana.>

"This ain't cheap. I'm paying that kid ten bucks an hour to shag balls."

<Ever the sweet talker...>

"Hey, it's not a bad piece of ash, huh?"

<EXCUSE ME?>

Scully looked over her shoulder and shot him her patented look.

"The bat...I'm talking about the bat."

<Yeah, right.>

She returned her gaze on said bat.

"Now, don't strangle it."

<Sorry Mulder, didn't mean to squeeze your ash.>

"You just want to shake hands with it." "Hello, Mr. Bat. It's a pleasure to make your
acquaintance." "Oh, no, no, Ms. Scully. The pleasure's all mine."

She laughed at that.
<Believe me, the pleasure's all *mine*, Mulder.>

"Okay, now, we want to..."

<...know if that's another bat I can feel against my back.>

"... we want to go hips before hands, okay? We want to stride forward and turn. That's all
we're thinking about. So, we go hips...before hands, all right?"

<No problem, Mulder. I'm thinking of nothing else but *my* hips and *your* hands.>
"Okay."

As if he'd read her thoughts, he pressed his hand lightly against her hip which caused his
body to come flush against hers.

<Oh, my. You *are* really glad to see me, aren't you Partner?>

"One more time."

<Please.>

His hand pushed more firmly against her hip.
"Hips... before hands, all right?"

"Yeah." <Oh yeah...just fine.>

"What is it?"

<That's *my* butt, Mulder.>

"Hips before hands." She hastened to answer, just before feeling his breath tickle her ear.

"Right. We're going to wait on the pitch. We're going to keep our eye on the ball. Then,
we're just going to make contact. We're not going to think. We're just going to let it fly,
Scully, okay?"

"Mm-hmm." <Believe me Mulder, I'm too busy enjoying the contact to think.>

"Ready?"

<You have *no* idea.>

They fumbled slightly trying to adjust their mutual grip on the bat.

"I'm in the middle." He let her put his hands between his.

<But can I be on top later?>

They grinned at each others like two lunatics.

<You're not that clueless, aren't you Mulder?>

The agent adressed the young boy.

"All right, fire away, Poorboy."

They swung together and hit the ball.

"Ooh! That's good."

<You're easy to please, mister...>

They kept hitting the balls the young boys was firing at them, while Mulder kept
whispering nonsense in her ear. She giggled. It was so rare for them to be this carefree.

"All right, what you may find is you concentrate on hitting that little ball..."

<I hear you Mulder, straight for the balls.>

"The rest of the world just fades away-- all your everyday, nagging concerns.The ticking
of your biological clock."

< Never mind *my* clock, Mulder, there's one hell of an hour hand poking at me right
now.>

"How you probably couldn't afford that nice, new suede coat on a G-Woman's salary."

<Six years of lingerie savings, G-man. Could buy myself half a dozen coats like this
one.>

"How you threw away a promising career in medicine...to hunt aliens with a crackpot,
albeit brilliant, partner."

She granted him with another Look.

<If you were so brilliant, Mulder, you would drop this bat right now.>

"Getting into the heart of a global conspiracy. Your obscenely overdue triple-X bill. Oh,
I... I'm sorry, Scully. Those last two problems are mine, not yours."

<You're rambling partner. Trying to get a grip?>

They hit the ball once more, and she smiled at him.

"Shut up, Mulder. I'm playing baseball."

<And your breathing down my neck is distracting me.>

They watched as the balls flew high into the sky and seemed to mingle with the stars.
After a while she felt Mulder still her movements.

"You can go Poorboy, we're done for tonight." She heard him say.

The young boy nodded and skipped away.

The bat dropped to the ground.

She turned in his arms.

He looked down at her, a soft smile playing on his lips.

It was happening again, time was slowing down and space was narrowing around them,
cradling them in a soft and warm chrysalis, a thousand threads of shared experiences
being woven. Six years of knowledge going back and forth. A cocoon of intimacy.

And one thing missing.

Now was the time.

She just knew.

She felt her toes begin to rise of their own accord...and heard a loud voice boom from
beyond the darkness of the cage.

"AAAAAAND CUT.!"

<AW! NOT AGAIN!>

Mulder dropped his hands by his sides with a defeated look. They both watched as the
actors stepped out of them, leaving their transluscent shells behind.

"Okay Gill?"

"Yeah, worked for me."

Duchovny winked at her. "Don't say it to my wife."

Anderson rolled her eyes and started to walk towards the cameras.

"Well that sucked for US!" shouted Mulder.

The two leads turned around to find themselves facing the two ghosts of their characters,
glaring at them with their arms crossed over their chests.

"What the hell..." began Duchovny.

"Precisely. That's were we come from!"

Duchovny pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes and started to laugh while
shaking his head.

"Okay, okay, this time I'm loosing it. Gillian? I'm seeing ghosts, what do you reckon?
Too much wheat in my diet or what?"

When the answer didn't come he opened his eyes to shoot a glance at his colleague.

"Gill?"

"I see them too, David."

The young woman was staring straight ahead with startled wide eyes. He followed her
gaze and saw that the ghosts were still there, standing side by side and still glaring.

"Can't be the wheat then..." he muttered and took a few cautious steps forward.

"Er...may I ask what you two are doing here?" Duchovny asked in the tones of a man
who's conscious he's doing something utterly stupid.

"We're too pissed off to vanish," said Mulder.

"You WHAT?"

"You are one fine bunch of sadists, you know that?" Scully chimed in.

"Er...I...I don't..." stammered Duchovny still trying to come to terms with the fact that he
was actually having a conversation with a couple of fictional characters.

"It's been 6 years, this is wearing thin," cut her partner. "You wrote that ep, you could
have made an effort."

"An effort?"

"Yeah, so we could finally get some."

Duchovny sighed and rubbed his temple wondering if these were the first symptoms of
schizophrenia.

"Listen guys, you know that Chris forbids any such things."

"I don't care, I don't believe in God."

"Besides if he wanted our relationship to remain platonic, he should have made it clear
this summer," argued Scully.

"Damn right! What is this all about, uh? An aborted kiss, a declaration on Demerol,
people mistaking us for a couple all the time, saying that we're in love?"

"And then nothing. Zip. Nada," finished Scully.

Mulder nodded. "I mean, if you *really* don't want us going at it with each other, you
could at least make sure we're getting laid once in a while. With other people. For
hygiene's sake."

His small partner shrugged:

"At this point we're not fussy."

Duchovny shook his head. "I'm afraid that's not possible."

"And why not? There's Marita, Diana, Kersh's secretary..." Mulder began.

"Detective Kresge, Sheriff Hartwell, Skinner..."

"Scully!"

"What?"

"Not *Skinner*!"

"Well, they made me kiss him in the lift once. I liked it."

"But he's our boss!"

Scully narrowed her eyes. "I don't see where the problem is. At least I'm sure *he's* not a
spy."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what's that supposed to mean, homeboy."

"You're just jealous, honeybunch."

"Call me *that* one more time and I swear I'll make your genitals fit into a Petrie dish!"

"All right, all right! Calm down you people!" interrupted Anderson ,who didn't seem so
phased by the apparitions now.

Scully swivelled on her feet and aimed the full force of her glare at her alter ego. The
actress backed away a little. Angry ghosts did that to people.

"Come on, let's try to deal with this in a positive way," she pleaded.

"*Come* on? I'm the one who doesn't, sister!"

She marched towards Anderson and waved a diaphanous finger under her nose.

"And how about some positive ass kicking, uh? Guess I'm more than entitled to it."

Duchovny stepped by his colleague's side and hurried to change the subject. "You're
supposed to be romantic heroes, you can't just go around fucking your way through the
show."

"He's right, you know? It would destroy the tension between you, ruin your chemistry,"
explained Anderson.

Mulder snorted. "We have enough chemistry to fuse a core reactor. A one night stand
won't change that."

Scully looked at her partner over her shoulder, arching her ever famous eyebrow, a small
flattered smile threatening to creep on her lips.

"That much, Mulder?"

His partner reached out and grabbed her waist, pulling her close. He leaned down to
breathe into her ear:

"Yeah, baby...and the day we'll let it loose it's gonna be the Lurvvvestorm of aaaaallll
time."

Scully looked up and their eyes locked in their usual way, shutting out the rest of the
world. His knuckles lightly brushed her blushing cheek in a quick caress and he smiled
fondly at her.

She smiled back.

A slight cough pulled them back to their surroundings. The two actors were watching
them - a smug grin splitting their faces.

"What?" the agents snapped as one.

"Just admiring our work," said Duchovny.

"The perfect match," added Anderson dreamily.

"Listen, we can't promise anything, but we'll see what we can do," offered the actor.

Mulder nodded. The anger was gone now and they were starting to fade already. He
hugged Scully tighter against him.

"Sweet dreams, Sunshine."

"Thanks for the game, Mulder."

"Anytime."

"Don't tease."

"No, ma'am."

"Wait! Before you go, tell us how you did it!" cut Anderson.

"Did what?"

"This! Be here, come to life."

Scully's transparent face shot her best enigmatic smile and her voice was lighter than a
summer breeze when it reached her ears.

"We had the strength of their beliefs."

THE END.

****

Feedback will be worshipped and lovingly fed with sunflower seeds at:
ionlygetfive@yahoo.co.uk